CADEN'S STORY

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Caden had the sweetest most sensitive heart for others at a very early age.   He was the cutest little blond-haired boy with the sweetest dimples when he smiled.

Yes… I am his mother and probably a little biased, but Caden truly captured the heart and attention of teachers, friends and co-workers throughout his short life. 

But by 18 years old, our outgoing bubbly child became more and more moody.   I assumed it was typical teenage behavior.       He tried so hard to keep going with school, church, work, other activities…all the while becoming more and more depressed.  After six months or so of fighting the depression on his own,  he wrote a letter to us informing us of his severe depression and suicidal thoughts.

He couldn’t face telling us in person. He had come very close to an attempt and scared himself enough to finally let us in. We were absolutely blindsided. He was our nearly perfect child!  How could this be happening to us!  We went to church every Sunday and tried to be good people and the best parents that we knew how to be.

We tried various doctors, medications, therapists, inpatient facilities….anything to keep him safe and get a plan toward healing. Things only continued to get worse.  We even sent him to a long term clinic in Houston with a top reputation, where he stayed for 7 months.  This would surely save our child’s life!

While in the frame of mind of saving his life, I finally made the decision to poke around in his stuff, looking for anything that might give an answer to what was driving this severe depression. This is where I found his journals (which started when he was 15), where he had prayers written nearly every day for years.  Praying about his feelings that he didn’t want and couldn’t make go away. And.... there it was. The culprit of why such a beautiful, smart, funny, outgoing, sympathetic,sensitive, loving child of God was suicidal.  There were numerous reasons that Caden was affected by the way he was.  Society and the culture we live in did plenty of damage.  But the root of it all was this.   Caden was very religious.  And he was also a rule follower to a fault. The church taught him that homosexuality was very wrong and “incompatible with Christian teaching”.  This was taught during a class right about when kids go through puberty.  Caden took it to heart.  He wrote in his journal every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, asking God to take it away, praying that God lead him and show him what he was to do.  He turned into a perfectionist to the extreme in an effort to try and make himself feel worthy. Surely if he was perfect at everything else, it would help negate the “ugliness” that he felt within himself.  He truly hated himself as he wrote of many times in his journals.

He tried so hard to reach God by doing so many things….bible study twice a day, fasting, prayer,  volunteer work, missions, teaching youth classes at church, camp counselor, etc.  He drove himself straight into a mental health emergency, finally breaking after not feeling as if God was listening for so many years.  

After a 4 year battle that came with many tragic and devastating moments, Caden lost his battle.  We are beyond devastated and our lives will never be the same again.

We are not here to try and convince or persuade anyone of any particular views or beliefs.  This is Caden’s story.  It is 100% truly what happened to Caden.  I can say this as his story is taken straight from his journals.  Our goal from here forward is to make something good come from our pain and suffering.  As Romans 8:38 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. “

Even as Caden struggled and suffered through each day, he was worried about what others like him do to get help if they don’t have insurance or can’t afford it.   Therefore, we want to carry on his passion to help others struggling like he did.  Our non-profit organization, Caden’s Calling, will fund these kids and young adults that struggle like Caden.  If we can prevent one child from going through what Caden and our family went through, it is a win.

Our primary GOALS here are to help fund kids that need mental health services, and to also advocate for youth who were born as they are, just like you and me, and want to feel valued and loved, just like you and me.  Our HOPE is to help others love everyone and treat everyone equally and leave the judgement of what anyone thinks is right or wrong to God.

We can all argue interpretations of the Bible, but what really matters is... What did Jesus do? He loved all. Especially the marginalized.

Please join us in carrying forward Caden’s Calling in his honor and memory.